Hello! My name is Kara and I’m 38 years old. I’ve been married to my husband for 20 years this August and I have 3 children who I’ve home schooled for 10 years. I love bunnies and we have 3 of them, along with dogs, a cat, and chickens. I also love gardening, though I’m not great at it yet. I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma in September of 2020.
Name: Kara B
Type/Stage of Cancer: Stage 3 invasive ductal carcinoma- Estrogen and Progesterone +, HER2-
Diagnosed: September 8, 2020
Age of Children When Diagnosed: 16, 14, 11
Take me back and tell me about the day when you were told “you have cancer”.
Well, I wasn’t surprised that particular day. I had a mammogram 5 days before and I knew there was a lump that had been getting increasingly worse over the case of the summer; the day of the mammogram they told me it looked concerning and that was when I knew. The hardest part of finding out I have cancer was having to tell my grandma. She’s a breast cancer survivor and was actually still in chemo at the time; but you know how it is, if something happens to your kid it’s worse than if it happens to you. And I knew it would be upsetting news for her. Once that was done, it didn’t take long for me to switch into ‘fighting’ mode.
Tell me, how many doctors did you meet with before you decided on your medical team and treatment plan? Did you get the same opinion for your treatment plan or were there conflicting plans? This is often the hardest part, the beginning. What were the key factors in your final selection?
I saw my surgeon first, and she performed the biopsy and first told me I have cancer. She came highly recommended so I didn’t go elsewhere for opinions – she recommended my medical oncologist and I saw him soon after and he laid the whole plan out for me in specific detail. Having stage 3 meant that it was going to be a long bout of treatment, but that it was treatable cancer and that we could beat it. I have been very pleased with all of my doctors: surgeon, medical oncology, and radiation oncology. They have all been full of information and happy to answer any questions I have and take time with me.
What are the most surprising lessons have you learned from your journey?
Before being diagnosed, cancer is always a big ‘what if’. Lots of people think ‘what would I do if I had cancer?’ and it sounds really big and unmanageable. But treatments have come SO far and when you are in it, you just do what you have to. I don’t know if it was surprising to me or not, but I was surprised at how quickly I did shift gears. I didn’t take much time feeling bad about a cancer diagnosis before I was just ready to get started with everything. The whole time my thought process was ‘the sooner I start, the sooner it’s done’ – from all the scans to chemo to surgery to radiation.
I’m sure readers would want to understand how other moms are approaching telling their children, as it’s different for every family and various ages. How did you approach this delicate conversation and is there any advice for other moms you can share?
Well, my kids were thankfully not particularly young. I told them the day of the mammogram that my scans came back and didn’t look good. They had already seen family members with cancer who got better – this helped so much for them to not be stressed about it. I’m not saying they had an easy time of it and I know times were hard for them, too.
As for advice, all I can say is to be open and honest. Obviously mine were at an age for that but even with younger ones, I wouldn’t have hidden the fact that this was going on or anything like that. We make jokes about my hair (or lack thereof), we just made it a part of our life that, yeah, wasn’t what we wanted or asked for, but was here either way, and just treated it the same way we treat everything else.
How do you balance work, family and treatment?
I was in a semi-unusual position from the beginning because I have homeschooled my kids for several years. In many ways, this made my cancer journey easier on all of us because there was no having to take them to school or go to work everyday, there was much less outside contact during the time that I was immunocompromised, and we had a much easier time making our schedule so that I could go to tests and treatments. I do think that the hardest part in regards to scheduling will be radiation, because that is daily M-F and I haven’t started that yet.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
To make sure that I took time when I needed to feel sad and cry. Part of me wanted to be 100% awesome and amazing through the whole thing, but truthfully that just wouldn’t have been honest. That said, I still have a much easier time letting people know if I don’t feel well than letting people know if I feel down. During cancer, I did do that though. I made sure I had people I could talk to and go to for advice, and friends who would just listen and pray for me.
Who are your biggest influences? Who do you admire the most?
Biggest influences are probably my grandparents. They raised me and we still talk once a week and (usually!) see each other a couple times of year (they live ~17 hours away from us). COVID and my treatments as well as other health stuff has made it so that we haven’t seen each other in a year and a half now – I look forward to getting to see them again soon! Also, I’d be remiss to not mention my husband. He’s thoughtful and logical and a rock for me.
What do you want your legacy to be?
A woman of faith, a fighter, someone who loves life and doesn’t have time for negativity.
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
~ 2 Timothy 4:7 ~
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