My name is Jacqui Agresta, and I am a 50 year old mother of four. I was diagnosed with breast cancer during my second trimester of my first pregnancy at age 33. I went on to have three more children despite the doctors telling me would not be able to have more children. I live on Long Island and I work as a school social worker.
Name: Jacqueline A
Type/Stage of Cancer: Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Stage 2A (age 33)
Diagnosed: 2003
Age of Children When Diagnosed: I was 4 months pregnant with my first child.
Take me back and tell me about the day when you were told “you have cancer”.
I had gone into NYU to have a lump in my right breast biopsied. I was not at all worried because I had a history of lumps and they were always benign. I was preparing for a trip to visit my mother at Sanibel Island the next day and was very much focused on checking this doctor visit off my to-do list.
When the doctor told me that the cells were abnormal I was dismissive and said “Well that is probably because I’m pregnant”. The doctor looked me directly in my face and told me that this was definitely cancer. I was absolutely stunned and speechless. I remember calling my husband from the large bustling NYU lobby to tell him the news. I kept waiting for someone to tell me it had all been a mistake. For days I kept waiting for the call about a mix up. It never came.
Tell me, how many doctors did you meet with before you decided on your medical team and treatment plan? Did you get the same opinion for your treatment plan or were there conflicting plans? This is often the hardest part, the beginning. What were the key factors in your final selection?
I saw four breast surgeons, four oncologists and three OB-Gyns. This was without a doubt the hardest part of the journey. Making appointments, meeting with doctors and making a plan was overwhelming and confusing. Ultimately, I chose my oncologist because I had known him previously (he was actually my general practitioner as well) so that was an easy decision. Luckily all of the doctors had the same general recommendation so it made me feel confident that the plan was a good one. There was one surgeon who recommended termination which was not at all a consideration for me so that made it easy to take her off the list. I chose my OB-gyn because he was the last doctor I visited with and the only one who came around from his desk, sat down next to me and told me to forget all the medical stuff for a moment. He said “ Tell me how YOU are doing”. I knew right away he would be the doctor to deliver my baby.
What are the most surprising lessons have you learned from your journey?
I learned:
- I´m not in control
- I need to relax
- I need to trust my journey
- I need to let others help me
I’m sure readers would want to understand how other moms are approaching telling their children, as it’s different for every family and various ages. How did you approach this delicate conversation and is there any advice for other moms you can share?
I was pregnant with my first child so I didn’t tell my children until years after when I was a survivor. Despite doctor predictions about early menopause I went on to have a total of four healthy children.
How do you balance work, family and treatment?
I luckily didn’t have any other children at home but I did continue to work full time as a school social worker. It helped me keep my mind off my illness and helping others is always a good way to avoid self- pity. Half way through my treatment I delivered my healthy daughter Scarlett and then finished up treatment. I took a maternity leave from work and hired amazing babysitters to care for Scarlett when I had treatment. I napped when she napped and we took it easy together. I had the most loving supportive husband who offered anything I needed.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
Trust your journey
Who are your biggest influences? Who do you admire the most?
My mother in law. She raised 10 children, had major financial hardship and never complained. She is always optimistic and positive. She sees the good in everyone.
What do you want your legacy to be?
I hope my legacy teaches others that they can handle anything in their path and to believe in God’ s love and wisdom.
What do the words, “Beautiful Struggle”, mean to you?
Trust that the struggle is meaningful and worth the outcome even when you don’t know the outcome.