I am a mother of a beautiful and spunky 6 year old boy, lucky to be married to my best friend in Salt Lake City. I am an artist trying to find my way, be in the moment, and experience gratitude for where I am at.
Name: April N.
Type/Stage of Cancer: Stage 2 IDC ER/PR+ Her2-
Diagnosed: 2017
Age of Children When Diagnosed: My son was 2 and a half
Take me back and tell me about the day when you were told “you have cancer”.
I was at a park with two mom friends and our kids. It was such a beautiful spring day, blue skies, perfect temperature, I can remember it so vividly. A part of me knew the moment I found an indent in my breast that it was cancer. I confided in my friends that morning that I was waiting for the call. When it came she said “you have cancer and at this point that’s all we know.” She said I had an appointment with the surgeon where I would learn more in a week. That week was probably the most terrifying because my mind ran all over the place playing out different scenarios and outcomes.
Tell me, how many doctors did you meet with before you decided on your medical team and treatment plan? Did you get the same opinion for your treatment plan or were there conflicting plans? This is often the hardest part, the beginning. What were the key factors in your final selection?
We happen to have a very renowned Cancer hospital close to where I live so I trusted the team I had from the beginning, I didn’t get a second opinion. The conflict for me was whether to include chemotherapy into my treatment plan. They did find a small amount of cancer in the sentinel node. I had an oncotype test done which tests how likely the cancer is to come back after surgery and the likely benefit of chemo. My number was on the lower side but still in a gray area. My oncologist left the decision up to me, saying she just didn’t know if it would be beneficial or not. I ultimately ended up doing it and she ultimately agreed that was the best choice but it was a very difficult choice to make.
What are the most surprising lessons have you learned from your journey?
The love and light found in times of darkness. The amount of support, acts of kindness, small and large, from friends and family during this time was overwhelming. During and for a while after treatment I felt like this experience would forever be intertwined with my identity. Every time I met someone I felt anxiety about telling them or not. I’m finally at a point where I feel like it’s a part of my story but not a defining factor of who I am. People always would say “you’re so strong and you are handling this so well.” Humans are resilient, I think anyone put in this situation figures out how to process and deal with it. Staying positive goes a long way.
I’m sure readers would want to understand how other moms are approaching telling their children, as it’s different for every family and various ages. How did you approach this delicate conversation and is there any advice for other moms you can share?
Since our son was so young, 2.5 when diagnosed, we didn’t tell him much. We would give him the basic information such as “Mommy has something in her body the doctors need to take out so it doesn’t make her sick.” My son is now 6 and I recently reflected back on that time of our life with him clarifying what happened and answering any questions he had.
How do you balance work, family and treatment?
I was lucky in that I didn’t work during treatment and my Mom who lives here was able to help with my son. We tried to keep things as normal as possible in our home.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
Our bodies are always communicating with us. Learn to listen to what your body has to say.
Who are your biggest influences? Who do you admire the most?
It’s hard for me to say one person. I am influenced by everyone in my life in one way or another.
What do you want your legacy to be?
To be a good example of strength, love, acceptance, and compassion for my son.
What do the words, “Beautiful Struggle”, mean to you?
We are not on this planet, in this body to live a happy go lucky always easy life. It’s through the challenges that we grow and our spirit evolves.