My name is Lindsay K. I live in Forest Hills with my husband and my one year old daughter. We also have a cavapoo named Marley. We been spend lots of time on Long Island with my parents while I recover.
Name: Lindsay Knape
Type/Stage of Cancer: triple negative breast cancer
Diagnosed: 2020
Age of Children When Diagnosed: 6 months
Take me back and tell me about the day when you were told “you have cancer”.
It was the end of July and I kept calling the lab and doctor because they told me they would be in a few days before. They told me someone would call me back by the end of the day. When I saw the number, I grabbed my phone and ran outside. For some reason I wanted to be alone. I knew she was going to say it was cancer. I know my body very well and just had a feeling. I mean, I already had an appointment with a breast surgeon. I was just praying for her to tell me it wasn’t. When the doctor told me it was malignant I started to cry and ran back into my apartment and found my husband. He knew what it was when he looked at me. That night I remember just holding my 6 month old daughter crying and telling her I wasn’t going anywhere.
Tell me, how many doctors did you meet with before you decided on your medical team and treatment plan? Did you get the same opinion for your treatment plan or were there conflicting plans? This is often the hardest part, the beginning. What were the key factors in your final selection?
I had spoke with two different doctors who had the same treatment plan and went with my first team.
I went to see a breast surgeon named Dr. Kostroff. She came highly recommended by everyone I spoke with (doctors and friends). She told me that I needed to go see an oncologist and gave me a name (she actually called the oncologist while I was in her office and told her she needed to help me). Once I had a plan I called another doctor and asked their opinion. That had the same exact plan and told me I was in good hands. My decision was made right there.
What are the most surprising lessons have you learned from your journey?
That I am stronger than I thought.
I’m sure readers would want to understand how other moms are approaching telling their children, as it’s different for every family and various ages. How did you approach this delicate conversation and is there any advice for other moms you can share?
My child is too young to understand. She did notice my body was different after my double mastectomy. The first time she saw me after surgery she cried. I just said mommy is ok. Mommy has boo boos. Now when I take my shirt off she goes boo. She also likes to look down my shirt. It’s like she is checking to make sure I am ok.
How do you balance work, family and treatment?
I left my job due to covid. Balancing my family has been very hard. I basically moved in with my parents once I started chemo. My husband and I have one car which he takes to work. He works crazy hours and I needed help with my daughter and rides to treatment . My husband comes to see us once or twice a week depending on his schedule and we go home on the weekends. It’s hard but we try to keep a routine and lots of face-times. We always say good morning and goodnight not matter what.
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
Listen to your body.
Who are your biggest influences? Who do you admire the most?
My family. I have watched my grandmother and aunt fight the same fight and sadly they did not win. But I will win and I will fight like them.
What do you want your legacy to be?
That I am a good mother.
What do the words, “Beautiful Struggle” mean to you? That your stories matter and what you’ve been through means something.